Wherever people interact in large numbers it's possible to see not just a myriad of choices, but also that so many people aren't aware that they are making those choices all the time.
Eric Berne first put forward the theory of Transactional Analysis, in which individuals occupy an "ego state" of parent, adult or child when they interract. This has predictable results that either benefit or hinder their communications, and impacts on stress, well-being and general fulfilment.
On the underground I see many examples of what Berne describes as complimentary transactions, with both positive and negative results.
In one station I overheard two members of staff engaged in banter: "You're not still supporting them are ya?" "We all have our crosses to bear mate" Friendly banter is often about 2 people choosing their both child ego state and having some fun.
I also overheard 2 city workers walking into a tube station saying to one another "So I told him, I'm in Chicago next week, they just don't get it do they?" "No I agree they're all just hopeless". In this case both are choosing to talk to one another like parents who are always right, identifying problems they agree are created by others.
These choices can be very positive, and we can all feel we benefit from a bit of banter or a moan with someone else once in a while.
Now for the however:
I saw this interaction the other day:
A woman stops to check her mobile phone, partially blocking a gangway in the underground, and another woman squeezes past saying in an irritated tone of voice :
"You can't stop here, you're obstructing everyone" (Parent)
"Who do you think you are? I can stand where I like" (Child)
The woman who had stopped heard the parental statement, and it influenced her to respond in a childish way. Note that parents use "you" a lot as the problem is always with others and child responses often feature a lot of "I" as with children the focus is always on themselves.
The outcome of this can be that people who spend a lot of time being parental encounter a lot of children, and find a lot of their communication more difficult than it needs to be.
Parental managers can also be very good at praise, and then observe the child-like responses as their staff enjoy being patted on the head, but run the risk of developing dependant relationships that could be unproductive in the long run.
No-one wants to be one-dimensional, and we all enjoy a bit of banter or a good moan, but its also good to consider when an adult response, assertive and controlled, could get you a different, more constructive, and less stressful response.
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